q log

2025 reflections + 2026 goals

god i love the end of the year cause it gives everyone an excuse to just reflect and gain insights, like holistically and universally, it's great (also it gets cloudy much more often which i love, i was meant to be a seattle-ite)

if i had to rank my years of the decade so far it'd be:

2020 (22-23 years old): 5/10

2021 (23-24): 4/10

2022 (24-25): 2/10

2023 (25-26): 1/10

2024 (26-27): 5/10

2025 (27-28): 6/10

so steady decline until my move to LA, and that injected life (thank fucking god it was bad y'all)

this year overall was pretty alright, since it involved a lot of building in meaningful directions, specifically focused on physical and social foundations. it was less about achieving a perfect ideal, but more about establishing grounded and manageable structures that work for my brain and all of its messiness. if i'm on the road to it, that's the true success, cause you can move the goalpost forever

so what this means literally, is working out on a generalized schedule (ideal 4x lifting days, the rest moderate cardio), doing consistent meal prep, drinking enough water, skincare, hygiene, good sleep, being more in the world, going to clubs, bars, new restaurants, movie theaters, jazz events, etc etc. just lots of IRL stuff, which has been really beneficial to my mental overall. it's something i never really prioritized before, and even though it took a long ass time to get into, and i'm still in the beginning stages, it's already been pretty transformative

the toughest thing this year for sure was figuring out professional stuff. hoooooo boy, way too many thoughts on that (new album's about that more in depth woo get hype), but yeah wow some serious existential questions this year. the main thing is really just exploring new avenues, specifically in online spaces. i really believe this shift is the right thing to act on, and i'm terrified but strangely confident and optimistic (being vague but y'all will see lol)

soooooo yeah, idk it's just better, even with bouts of heavy depression/existentialism. the quality of life is just so much more evident, and i do see a brighter future ahead. it's bizarre, cause ever since graduating college, i've slowly taken in serious fatalism into my thinking (i am Excellent at giving up and just rotting away). it's solidified inside now, which is fine, it's just about awareness and continuing forward. and wow that mentality has helped so much, just not feeling like i need to eliminate it, moreso understanding why it's there, what its purpose is, and working with it as best as possible (Celeste anyone?)

2026 goals

anyway, i'm finding a solid purpose, that fully aligns with my strengths and values and desires, so we'll see what happens, but this is a nice refreshing stage of the "i'm in my 20s what the fuck do i do" era. getting to a point where i can stop trying to convince myself of stuff and just live as i am in the reality of the situation, and that's really cool (plus i'm having more fun, hell yeah)

<3